Will you accept this Rose?

This past week was a tough week. Not sure the main reason really just little things that add and add until it all seems too much. Or maybe just girl issues. Who knows. Neil knew I was having one of those weeks and he was so sweet to me. One day I was at work and crazy busy. It seemed that everyone needed something from me all at once. 

My sweet Neil brought me a single rose to work and the card read " Will you accept this rose" This is an inside joke and well from "The Bachelor."  It was so sweet it made me cry. Ok I had been crying most of the week but these were good tears.  

I hate that I haven't figured out how to handle life better. I feel that I am getting older or as my kids would say I'm old and I just feel I should have a better grip on life. Or at least have learned some skills to cope better. Ok besides eating or avoiding.

Besides I have a really good life. I am so blessed. I have a wonderful husband who is not perfect but who is perfect for me. I have a wonderful son who tells me he loves me every day and is always trying to make me smile. I have two beautiful daughters who are amazing and unique and so tender hearted and kind. They all love me and challenge me to want to be better to try harder.

This time of year seems like the weather changes match my mood changes. Anyone else have this problem? 

I have decided my new coping skills are to...

Not watch the news.

Not check our retirement or investment accounts.

Not balance the check book.

Not look in the mirror while at the gym (please explain why there are mirrors everywhere?)

Not walk down the Easter candy isle.

Find a class on web design. (my business sure needs me to have computer skills)

Eat healthier.

Exercise more. (even with mirrors)

Find more friends.

Be more out going. (I have lost some of this as I get older WHY?)

Listen better.

Spend more time with extended family.

Do more fun and spontanious things. (Any suggestions)

Above all live up to my new years motto.  I want to live...

The little things in life...Living

Today I got a text from Aaron. It read "I just want to say I love ya! And say thanks for all the things you do. Even the little things like making smoothies or dinner. It means a lot. Thanks Mom."

Life is full of stress and worry sometimes. It sure is nice to get little things that make you say Ahhh! The little moments are what add up to a full and happy life.

I only made one new years resolution this year I made myself a motto. My motto is "I want to live". Living to me means fully being in each moment. Fully appreciating each moment. Taking time to notice, taking time for me, taking time to refill and fulfill my covenants and commitments. Not always saying yes, but when I do say yes mean it and fulfill it. Trying to get to know myself. Isn't that funny? I am 42 years old and I am still discoverying who I am. My likes, my dislikes.

In the movie Runaway Bride. Julie Roberts character doesn't know herself very well so she goes about trying to find what she likes and dislikes. She starts with eggs. She had all the different kinds of eggs to see which kind she liked. I don't know why but that movie struck me. It wasn't my favorite movie but I could relate to not knowing myself or morfing into what others needed me to be. But not really knowing me. We pleasers do that.

So this year 2009 is my year of discovery. Honestly I am a little scared and find myself procrastinating some things or letting my usual habits of every one else first get in my way. Us moms and wives do that don't we. In ways we feel it's our job and yes it is yet...

I hope to share my discoveries and random moments with you. Well really with myself but you all have access if you wish. In each of you I see special talents and gifts I would love to have. Uniqueness and fun quirky ways that you may not know but you inspire me.

I wish I could have...

Neils ability to have fun and for his desire and ability to help others.
McKinsey's unique way of looking at things and her ability to accept and love.
Sammy's smile and the happiness she brings to others.
Aaron's sensitivity, kindness and love.
Grandma's patience and selflessness.
Celete's ability to be a true friend that stands by and stands up for you.
Karen's ability to listen and talk.
Kobi's smile and easy going nature.
Tiffany's beauty.
Chelsea's ability to express her deep feelings with words that are beautiful and amazingly deep and personal. Chels you amaze me and I think you should write a book.
Crystal's talent at being a mom and being so kind.
Sienna always looking at the bright side of things, for always wanting to help others and for her beautiful eyes that shine with light and love.
Todd's ability to understand and to rise above and be positive.
Amber's design skills.
Russ's fire starting skills and talent with making tasty meat.
Melissa's dedication. To school, callings, family.
Stephanie Koss I would love her camera and her photo skills.
Colett and her unique blog and fun way that makes me laugh and want to stalk her blog oh and her amazing talents.
Brooke for being my kindred spirit someone I will always love and feel close to even when we are far away and not in contact too often.
Deloy's ability to come to the rescue and just because I love him so much.
Michelle's ability to raise a close and loving family.
Jodi and her gift for speaking and making others feel welcomed and accepted
Peggy's cooking skills I try and I have my family fooled but no one is like you.
Sarah always greeting others with a smile. beautiful
Travis's talent for climbing although I don't know if I can ever get over my fear of heights.
Ben's photogenic nature.
The Heidi's because their so cute and I wish I could have a baby. Although it may have to be grandbabies some day. Not too soon.
Shallon and Bryans ability to always be there for important moments and for living their lives as examples even if they aren't aware of it.
Sheila's ability to care and make effort and love. No one kinder in the world.
Trish's ability to confront people but somehow they still love her. Gift of talk.

And for all the rest you also touch me in many ways. I know I have left some off but that's just because it's been a LONG day and my brain is fried.

Thanks to you all for your love, support and inspiration.