Change in Plans

(This photo is one Aaron took when he climbed Mt. Whitney. It's Beautiful and sets the reflective mood.)

I read a post today on Thepioneerwoman.com it was a post about are you where you thought you would be 5 -10 or 20 years ago. I read thru some of the answers and they were inspiring and made me think. I decided to do my own "Are you where you thought you would be post".

My answer to the question is yes and no. My guess is that would be most people's answer.

After all could we imagine how wonderful life is? How great it is to hold a newborn that you and your husband created. To look in their eye's and see the love looking back at you. The feeling that you are everything to this child and that they are depending on you for all their needs. That they are counting on you to teach them and love them no matter what. (Sometimes when teenagers the no matter what is a hard one to keep. Yet we do.)
Children teach us more than we do them sometimes. At least for me mine have.

When growing up I wanted to be a wife a mother. I wanted to have the perfect picket fence mormon home. I wanted to be a stay at home mom who kept a lovely home and cooked fabulous meals and did everything just right. You know "old fashioned". I guess honestly I wanted to have and be all the things I didn't have or at least was taken from me when I was young.

Marriage: I married young. Too young (19) I tell my girls all the time... wait live life a little more. But they have their own journey's to follow. Who knows what will be.

I was lucky so lucky. I married a wonderful man. Who I love more than anything. After almost 23 years of marriage I love him more each day and I am so proud of the man he is. He inspires me to be better. He is the best example and has the kindest giving heart.

Children: I thought I would have 5 or 6. It wasn't possible but I am so blessed to have been able to have the three I have. Others aren't as lucky and I am so grateful that I could have children.

Mother: I wanted to be the perfect mother. I wanted my children to say and feel that I was the best mother ever. I am not perfect. I have tried to be perfect and it is not possible. In fact trying to be perfect sets you up to fail. Teach your children. Example is the best teacher. The teaching part of being a parent is the hardest part to look back on. You could always do more. That is true and what we beat ourselves up about... I'm guessing for the rest of our lives. Do your best and try a little harder each day. Make it that simple.

My advice to all who reads this is Love your children unconditionally. Don't be like satan. Yep I said satan. Free agency is something we fought for in heaven and something as parents we fight against. Being a parent is the best and hardest thing I ever thought I would do. The answers I have found is love and acceptance.

Career: I didn't want a career (remember I'm old fashioned). I have had to work since I was well...I started babysitting at 9 and haven't stopped working since then. I still in my mind think I am going to have the chance to be a stay at home mom. My baby is 15 so nah I don't think so.
But our children have had the best of both their parents. We didn't have babysitters. Grandma some but we worked it out between Neil and I. We made the best of the situation and our children have had both of us in their lives.

Picket fence home: I spent a year planning and building a home. It was a wonderful home. I planned the yard and planted every plant. I loved having Christmas in this home. It snowed a lot there and there were deer everywhere. I loved the kids sitting at the top of the stairs waiting to get the ok to come down to open Christmas. There are many memories here. Happy times.
We sold this home over two years ago. I was devastated. I mourned it like a death. I was so sad and disappointed and I sure did feel sorry for myself. Why wasn't things working out better for us financially and on and on.

BUT... I have come thru the other side of it. I have grown and realized many things. It was just a house. Brick and stucco and paint and wood. It didn't make us a family. It was just a place to live. I can honestly say that a home is what you make it. It is what you do together as a family. It is the love you have for one another. It is sacrifice and encouragement and helping one another.

I no longer need the perfect picket fence home. Home is where ever we are as a family.

The one thing when we think of where we are going to be in 5- 10 or 20 years... we of course don't see are our trials. When we plan as children what our life will be like we plan only good things.

Trials come to all of us. Some are consequences, some are allowed by our Father in Heaven and some are inflicted upon us by others. Trials find each of us. There is no escape. What matters is what we do during our trials. I think our true character comes out when we are in the midst of our trials. There have been times I have been proud of myself during trials and other times I am ashamed.

Here is one of the posts off thepioneerwoman.com that I liked and have to say says how I feel sometimes. "I am grumpy when I should have patience, I yell when I should forgive, I run when I should have courage…I am not who I need to be, but thank God I am not where I used to be".

This post has gotten long and I am afraid I have gone on and on. Thanks for listening.

Oh the other things about life real quick.

No I don't look like I thought or hoped. I would be 75lbs over (how did that happen?)
Nope I don't take as many vacations as I would have hoped. I haven't been out of the U.S. oh unless Tijuana counts.

I am blessed. So blessed. That's part of the reason I blog. My blog is my acknowledgement of all my blessings. Living proof to myself what a wonderful life I have.

No life isn't exactly what I thought or maybe even hoped sometimes that it would be.

In many ways it is better than I could have imagined and thru the living and thru the trials of this life I have come to see with different eyes than I once saw thru.

Your turn leave a comment or post on your blog "are you where you thought you would be 5-10 or 20 years ago".